Confused about family

Dear Annie: My mother passed away earlier this year. I'm sad to say that I did not like her. She was never nice to me. I was having a hard time in my life and for a while didn't talk to anyone. My mother would say mean things to me like, "Your father wants to take you out of the will," along with her favorite line: "I hate you!" She said that to me so many times over the years; it killed my self-esteem. Since she died, I've been curious about reconnecting with my dad. But I have no idea what he thinks of me. Maybe he hates me, too. I'm afraid to ask. What should I do? - Confused

About Family Dear Confused: I absolutely think that you should try reconnecting with your dad. But first, I'd encourage you to seek some professional counseling. A therapist can provide guidance and emotional support as you take this step. They can also help you process the years of emotional abuse that your mother inflicted on you. Visit https://www.psychologytoday.com and select "Find a Therapist" for a database of mental health care providers who are in your area or available for tele-appointments. Talkspace and BetterHelp offer online therapy appointments. For more affordable options, visit https://www.openpathcollective.org, which offers a database of therapists willing to offer sliding-scale rates for those who need it.

I am so sorry that your mother treated you so abhorrently. She must have not been well mentally to say such things to anyone, let alone her own child. That's not to excuse her behavior, just to remind you that it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Please reach out for help to begin the healing you so need and deserve.