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Annie Lane
Dear Annie: I have been dating my boyfriend for eight months now, though we have known each other for 12 years. I think he is a great man. I have a problem with his cellphone, though. We go out to dinner and he lays the phone next to his plate and is always looking at it. I never say much to him, but I did say something to him this past weekend, and he said I was nitpicking. I just think it's rude. — Aggravated Dear Aggravated: If you think it's rude, then it is rude. You are not nitpicking; you are simply asking for him to treat you in a way that you would like to be treated. You are having dinner with him, not with his phone.
Dear Annie: In 2015, I met a man through a dating website. We got together shortly after and I was enamored by him. For the next five years we seldom got together in person, but we had almost daily contact via texts and such. I didn't mind this at first because I was overweight at the time and overwhelmed with caring for my parents, who have since died.
I stopped communicating with him in late 2020 because our relationship was going nowhere. Five months ago, in 2023, he got in touch with me, but it is just like before. Lots of excuses for not getting together, but constant texts, and explicit photos and videos. I learned through the grapevine that he is not married but has been dating someone for the last two years.
Why does a man do this, and what does it say about me that I allow it? We are not teenagers but both in our 60s. His real relationships tend to only last two to three years, and his exes have nothing good to say about him. — Wondering Dear Wondering: If it didn't work before and he has not changed his ways, then chances are you are wasting your time and it won't work again. Run 100 miles from this guy.
Dear Annie: When my wife, stepson and I go out to dinner, they usually do not order dessert. I like to order dessert fairly often. My wife has told me in no uncertain terms, and more than once, that it is rude to order dessert when no one else is having it.
This admonishment, by the way, is being delivered by a spouse who cannot refrain from using her phone for nonemergencies during every (and I mean every) meal at a restaurant. Would you please weigh in over our dispute about dessert?
—A Family Dilemma Dear Family Dilemma: It sounds like you are each being difficult with the other. If you want to order dessert, then you should order dessert and enjoy it. If you are taking forever to eat the dessert, then yes, maybe it is a bit rude. Is it possible your wife and stepson are watching their weight and don't want to contemplate dessert, much less be forced to sit and watch you eat yours?
Have a calm conversation with your wife about her cellphone use and your dessert eating, and I'll bet you can work out a compromise that unravels your dilemma.
Dear Annie: Your answer to 'Not Dog Tired Anymore' was great from the human point of view, but not so much from the animals'. I'm an animal behavior consultant and have seen problems arise from inconsistencies such as these. Like children, pets need to have a sense of security about their routines so they can predict their future. Any time we are inconsistent, they lose a little confidence about what happens next. I'd recommend that the owners decide on a routine, whatever it is, and then stick with it. — Animal Helper Dear Animal Helper: Thank you for your letter. A great number of you wrote in with similar comments.
Dear Annie: 'Traveling Days Over,' who thought his vacations were over once he and his wife were 'empty nesters' and traveling with his wife alone was stressful, has probably never considered his wife a member of the vacation group. I imagine she has done all the work and planning (and cooking and cleaning) on his vacations so he and his children could have a fun, carefree experience. Now that it is only the two of them, she still has all the dog work to do, and he is getting stressed because she can't live it up with him and still provide the service he expects. I have been there. Unless he is willing to cough up some dough so they both can relax, or pitch in and help, I believe his vacations as he knew them are over.
There is another choice! Reconnect with the girl you married — consider her a playmate instead of a servant! Change like that in an old marriage is hard as people become very territorial and dug in to the way they have always done things, but it is possible! I have been there, too, and I can say the change is well worth it!
I wish them luck. I appreciate your column and your wise and compassionate advice.
— Empty Nesters Reconnect Dear Reconnect: What a great idea to try to remember the person that you married and rekindle your flame. Being able to change is part of having a better marriage and understanding of each other.
Dear Annie: I have four grandchildren from one son. None of them have ever thanked me for gifts. The last time was a graduation card and necklace. Don't think it's too much to ask for them to acknowledge they've received the gift. Each one has access to the internet either from a phone, tablet or a laptop. No excuse for ignorance. I blame my son and his girlfriend. Teach your kids manners! — I Blame My Son Dear Blame: Instead of 'blaming' your son, why not talk to him and tell him your frustrations and feeling unappreciated? My guess is that he has no idea how hurt you are by their lack of communication.
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'How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?' is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing. com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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