'Weary at heart' draws responses

Dear Readers: A number of you wrote in response to 'Weary at Heart,' whose sister was molested by her stepfather, and offered your perspectives and advice. Here are a few of my favorite letters offering valuable insights.

Dear Annie: This is in response to 'Weary at Heart.' As someone who was in a situation horribly similar to your sister's, I hope you take what I'm sharing to heart.

You will never know the impact you are having in your sister's healing journey by taking her side. A piece of me was healed from your unconditional love and loyalty toward your sister. What your sister went through is confusing and traumatizing, and knowing that one other person can see this from her point of view may be the saving grace she needs to not only survive this but to thrive in spite of it. God doesn't always send angels; sometimes he uses regular folk. Don't let guilt or confusion rob you both of the beautiful bond you have and what you bring to her life by being there at her side. -- Sending Love Dear Annie: My mom was also molested by her stepfather as a teenager. She cut her mother off completely, making sure to tell her why. When her mother died, my mom became a new person. Lighter, happier, more expressive and more loving. Her family ruined her ability to connect, and it was evident my whole life. But now, in her 60s, we're finally starting to really talk. My point is, there's nothing Christian about keeping people in your life who are dangerous to your mental health. You don't need to prove you're a good Christian; you know that you are. You need to construct your life and your inner circle in such a way that brings you peace. Hang in there, and love yourself first. -- Have Faith in Yourself

Dear Annie: I read your column daily; thank you. 'Weary at Heart' hit close to home.

My younger sister was molested by our stepfather. He tried with me (when I was 10), and I fought him off. I never told anyone, and he never tried again or said anything. Unfortunately, it never occurred to me he might try with my sister, who is three years younger.

A few years later, I moved in with my biological father (she is my half sister; we have different fathers) and put it behind me, again telling no one. One night, my sister asked if she could come over. I said, 'Of course.' I was excited to spend time with her. I had no idea she was coming to tell me about our stepfather (who was now divorced from our mom) molesting her. My heart dropped, and I immediately felt responsible. I felt like it was my fault this happened, if only I had told someone. I told her my story, and we cried. I told her we needed to tell Mom, but she had tried, and Mom said my sister had misinterpreted it.

By that time, the whole family knew, including my dad and brothers. Our stepfather was arrested and spent a small amount of time in prison. Mom contacted him and said the whole family had forgiven him, which was not true and hurt us all.

To this day, she does not believe us; she thinks we said it for the attention.

Last summer, I heard he had passed away. No one in the family had seen or spoken with him in years. At first, I was shocked, and then everything came flooding back. I broke down on the floor crying. I cried because, at one point, he was an amazing stepfather, taking us on great family vacations with other family members. Everyone loved him, and everyone was shocked when the news broke. He even saved my life when I was attacked and nearly strangled to death when I was 13.

So I cried for what he did to me and my sister, I cried for the great stepfather he once was and I cried because he was now dead. We later learned he had molested his best friend's daughter and his ex-girlfriend's daughter. Fortunately, my sister and I have been able to heal and move on with our lives. -- Healed in Canada 'How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?' is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing. com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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