Advice | Ask Annie
Dear Annie: I’m 29 and single. I’m proud to have worked my butt off since college and am now seeing the fruits of my labor. I’ve got the dream job that I’m passionate about, am making good money and have the most amazing group of loved ones and mentors. The cherry on top of it all would be a man I can enjoy all of this with. Since I have a hectic schedule and travel for work, I figured getting back into online dating (in addition to good “old-fashioned” meeting people) would offer some solid ROI. It’s been more baggage than not, though, and I don’t know how to make it work or whether I should just skip it altogether.
“Adam” and I had delicious witty banter over text for a week and a half. By his pictures, he was the perfect combination of sexy and cute. When we finally met, I knew pretty quickly there wasn’t a long-term connection. “Jeff” and I talked incessantly for about a week, and then he ghosted.
I don’t expect the first — or even the 10th — guy I match with to be “the one.” I’m willing to try them on until one fits just right, but I can’t stand my time and energy being wasted! What’s your advice on how to get quality experiences out of online dating? — Frustrated With Swiping
Dear Frustrated: If the internet widened the dating pool, it also muddied the waters. The best approach in such environs is a streamlined one: If you think you have a connection with someone you’ve matched with online, invite him for a phone call to see if you two hit it off before scheduling a date. This gives you the chance to gauge your chemistry, and it prevents you from endlessly instant messaging with a guy whom you’ll never end up meeting. After all, if he can’t be bothered to hop on a quick phone call with you, don’t bother with him.
Be upfront about what you’re looking for: a relationship, not a hookup. If he’s intimidated by your directness, has different priorities or thinks that’s “too much,” then why would you want to date him anyway?
And lastly, a note to anyone dipping his or her toe in the online-dating waters, remember to always opt for a public meeting place and let a friend know where you’ll be.
Dear Annie: You have published many letters from people bemoaning the fact that gifts that they gave were not acknowledged. While I am fully in agreement that a “thank-you” is a must for any gift I receive, I do not agree that anyone has an obligation to send a gift in the first place, as voiced by the recent letter from “Unappreciated Giver” who seems to be putting herself on a guilt trip if she does not give.
I am a few months short of 80 years old; I have enough “stuff ” around. The holidays were a perfect time to remember to make contact with friends and relatives that are at a distance, which I did with a Christmas letter, a phone call or an email. I look forward to and enjoy similar contacts; they are the best gift that I receive — save, of course, for the yearly photo of the grade-school grandkids that comes in the Christmas card from my kids (and the small box of cookies from my daughter-in-law). — Bill, The Villages, Florida
Dear Bill: You’re not the only one with too much stuff: The average American household has 300,000 items, reports the LA Times. So perhaps we could all do with fewer gifts and more simple acts of kindness. Thanks for writing.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.